Sinead O’Connor has died. Anyone who knew anything about her is saddened, but not surprised. As the obituary in the Guardian states, the most tragic thing about the early end of her life is that it was inevitable.Thanks for reading Practicing Mental Illness! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
Thanks Damian. The hardest thing about the loving and monster story is that sometimes I swing back and forth between the two a couple of times a day, which really ruins everything. Hang in there.
What strikes me, strongly, is that if the monster is displayed only to one's wife (and child?), this is indistinguishable from domestic violence. Classic version of it, actually... the cycle: Blow-up, Honeymoon Period, Tension Building -- and Blow-up, etc. (I get that there needs to be a release, and releasing it when one arrives home, seems natural. But I note that the author did not mention ever doing this to other people he lived with, such as his parents/family -- so again, appears to be classic domestic violence. I hope the author is not ignoring this.
"Domestic violence" is a term of art. It's admittedly a broad definition. From un.org: "Domestic abuse, also called 'domestic violence' or 'intimate partner violence', can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels."
This is a very broad definition, too broad to be useful, that conflates violence and abuse. We all know they are very different. Language should be precise.
The inclusion of verbal behavior as "domestic violence" has been used in the NJ courts (at least), for decades. I worked there.
Another great piece, George. And your loving and monster story and “doing better than most!” sounds utterly and eerily familiar my friend.
Thanks Damian. The hardest thing about the loving and monster story is that sometimes I swing back and forth between the two a couple of times a day, which really ruins everything. Hang in there.
A few times a day for me, usually. For a while been thinking I might be a rapid cycler. But Sinéad lived a life for sure.
What strikes me, strongly, is that if the monster is displayed only to one's wife (and child?), this is indistinguishable from domestic violence. Classic version of it, actually... the cycle: Blow-up, Honeymoon Period, Tension Building -- and Blow-up, etc. (I get that there needs to be a release, and releasing it when one arrives home, seems natural. But I note that the author did not mention ever doing this to other people he lived with, such as his parents/family -- so again, appears to be classic domestic violence. I hope the author is not ignoring this.
From the dictionary:
noun: violence
behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.
You are way off the mark.
"Domestic violence" is a term of art. It's admittedly a broad definition. From un.org: "Domestic abuse, also called 'domestic violence' or 'intimate partner violence', can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels."
This is a very broad definition, too broad to be useful, that conflates violence and abuse. We all know they are very different. Language should be precise.
Thanks Leon. May we both go on and realize and be grateful for our luck, and make the best of life as an appreciation of that luck.