This essay reminds me of my cousin who had cancer & a double mastectomy in her 30's -- when she told her new boyfriend (whom she'd met prior to the dx): "Well, I promised that life with me would never be boring!"
One of my very favorite quotes from her, was when she lay sick, in the hospital. The dr. came in and asked her if she felt like she were dying. She quipped: "I don't know; I never died before." And then she laughed. Both at his stupidity, and at her own joke.
I'm also thinking about my sister, who is diagnosed as bipolar, but that was only shared with me in recent years -- not shared, nor diagnosed, during the decades of verbal abuse I endured from her. I tolerated and excused it for a very long time, years, before the diagnosis. When it became devastating to me, I had to pull away. I don't know if there's some rationalization that I missed, where I was supposed to tell myself that this was her illness, and although she has never ever once said she was sorry for any of the horrific and cruel things she said to me, still I was supposed to stay near, support her when she needed me, and write off all the cruelty, to her illness. And yes, everyone else said she was the nicest person in the world. She doesnt expose this side of herself, to them... which makes me think she can control it, and chooses to direct it at me. The evil seemed only directed toward me. I loved her, and do still love her. But I am afraid of her- emotionally, psychologically. I like playing hero, and especially a feminist one who always stands by women, since we are in dire need of that. And I cannot bring myself to do it. It is too painful. I am not made of the stuff that your wife and daughter, are made of. I don't know if that makes me... weak, selfish, I don't know.
Thanks Janet. Please see my reply below about NAMI. And please take some time to take care of yourself. Before learning to better manage this disease I destroyed a number of relationships myself, so don't give up hope.
It looks like you could do with a little bit more healing yourself. Are you okay, and do you have anyone you can talk to about it? There are likely to be some support groups for families where you can vent a bit, maybe try a new one?
I’m in the UK, so I’m not familiar with what might be around you, but you could ask your GP or do a google search, or join a Facebook group (try doing a keyword search). Have you heard of Internal Family Systems based therapy or support? Maybe something like that, where they help you go into the family dynamics to help you feel seen and heard and get some tips about how to vent your feelings in a way that helps you recover.
I wrote my sister a very long letter, telling her -- among other things -- all the ways she has abused me over the years -- well, not all, because the list is endless. I got no response, and I foresee never having contact with her again. She's not even on my list of people to contact if something happens to me. So... but at least I haven't had nightmares about her, for a long time. I think it's common for people to hurt those that are closest to them, with or without having mental illness- I dont think I can excuse everything she did, under that umbrella. Some people are genuinely mean and heartless, at least in significant part. But I will look into NAMI, and see what they say.
You are always so heart-wrenching honest, George. Your love for your family shines through.
Thanks Tim
I hope that the newly appointed pope lifts your spirits a little. What a lovely surprise for America, and he looks like a good choice to me.
And he has strong ties to Philadelphia, where I live. Thanks.
This essay reminds me of my cousin who had cancer & a double mastectomy in her 30's -- when she told her new boyfriend (whom she'd met prior to the dx): "Well, I promised that life with me would never be boring!"
One of my very favorite quotes from her, was when she lay sick, in the hospital. The dr. came in and asked her if she felt like she were dying. She quipped: "I don't know; I never died before." And then she laughed. Both at his stupidity, and at her own joke.
I'm also thinking about my sister, who is diagnosed as bipolar, but that was only shared with me in recent years -- not shared, nor diagnosed, during the decades of verbal abuse I endured from her. I tolerated and excused it for a very long time, years, before the diagnosis. When it became devastating to me, I had to pull away. I don't know if there's some rationalization that I missed, where I was supposed to tell myself that this was her illness, and although she has never ever once said she was sorry for any of the horrific and cruel things she said to me, still I was supposed to stay near, support her when she needed me, and write off all the cruelty, to her illness. And yes, everyone else said she was the nicest person in the world. She doesnt expose this side of herself, to them... which makes me think she can control it, and chooses to direct it at me. The evil seemed only directed toward me. I loved her, and do still love her. But I am afraid of her- emotionally, psychologically. I like playing hero, and especially a feminist one who always stands by women, since we are in dire need of that. And I cannot bring myself to do it. It is too painful. I am not made of the stuff that your wife and daughter, are made of. I don't know if that makes me... weak, selfish, I don't know.
Thanks Janet. Please see my reply below about NAMI. And please take some time to take care of yourself. Before learning to better manage this disease I destroyed a number of relationships myself, so don't give up hope.
It looks like you could do with a little bit more healing yourself. Are you okay, and do you have anyone you can talk to about it? There are likely to be some support groups for families where you can vent a bit, maybe try a new one?
I don't know of any support gps for this. Do you know of any?
NAMI does great work with peers and families and has chapters all over the US
I’m in the UK, so I’m not familiar with what might be around you, but you could ask your GP or do a google search, or join a Facebook group (try doing a keyword search). Have you heard of Internal Family Systems based therapy or support? Maybe something like that, where they help you go into the family dynamics to help you feel seen and heard and get some tips about how to vent your feelings in a way that helps you recover.
I wrote my sister a very long letter, telling her -- among other things -- all the ways she has abused me over the years -- well, not all, because the list is endless. I got no response, and I foresee never having contact with her again. She's not even on my list of people to contact if something happens to me. So... but at least I haven't had nightmares about her, for a long time. I think it's common for people to hurt those that are closest to them, with or without having mental illness- I dont think I can excuse everything she did, under that umbrella. Some people are genuinely mean and heartless, at least in significant part. But I will look into NAMI, and see what they say.
Thanks Janet and Sarah for exhibiting so much compassion on this page.
I definitely think you should try something like that ❤️🩹